Trusting Trust

The heart always finds a way to trust without objection and hesitation. The mind places the roadblocks before you even get a chance to take that turn. But life will always require you to trust.

It starts off with the simpler things in life, like an alarm clock that you trust at night or the caffeine you trust in the morning, your car to get you to work and your work to always be there. But then every major thing will get in the way. That’s when you realise that moments can hold your trust against you. They will make you question everything and nothing at the same time.

That’s when life turns it all into a board game. And then everything becomes chance. The dice decides your next step and instead of climbing ladders you’re being eaten by snakes only to plummet ten steps down. But while you may know that you need a 6+1 to escape the next snake, life is actually blinder than that.

My feet trust the ground not to give way beneath me and my lungs trust the air to never run out. But what are the chances of my falling? What are the chances that everything is ripped away? And everything taken for granted is what proves to be the first mistake. The mistake that has a domino effect and then calculations and probabilities come into play.

It takes years to learn to trust and a second to forget even the meaning of the word. And I want to navigate the creases and wrinkles and laugh lines back to when it was alright to close your eyes and expect there to be hands to catch you when you fall. I want to close my eyes and expect there to be blood coursing through my veins not this panic that is eating me alive. I want to close my eyes and feel safe in the darkness that my eyelids provide.

But how do you ever get back?